Maybe Mama?

Rising to the surface for air

At nearly 18 weeks of pregnancy, I am finally beginning to feel human again. Since I got the positive pregnancy test, I've been feeling nauseous and exhausted 24/7. I certainly didn't feel this sick on the last pregnancy, so I'm wondering if it's a boy this time. Actually, I'm going to stake my colours to the mast and say I think it is a boy. I had no gender inklings one way or another last time, but this time, I definitely think it's a boy. I won't care one way or the other as long as the baby is healthy, but it will be interesting to see if I'm right or if my hormones are just on overdrive!

My level of consciousness and involvement with the pregnancy is quite different this time around. Last time, I knew exactly how many weeks pregnant I was at any given time, this time, errmm, I know roughly (once I was past the vital 12 week stage). I'm able to concentrate far less on this pregnancy because my wonderful Little Miss keeps me fully occupied day and night. I still religiously take my vitamins etc and attend my medical appointments, but there is just less brain space to daydream (and worry!).

Little Miss is just fantastic and growing apace. She isn't walking yet, but she loves to climb stairs and read books and swim. She is the light of our lives and I can't believe that we are going to be lucky enough to have a brother or sister for her.

Way-Hay USA!

Well, an Obama victory has finally got me posting again! I've been watching the election progress on tenterhooks and I have no-one to discuss it with at home at the moment, so I'll post instead. I cannot ever remember an election in another country garnering so much interest. The US election is headlining every newspaper and news bulletin and I am glued to BBC News 24, which has continual coverage. I can't really figure out why we are all so enthralled, but I think it is because so much of the world feels the loss of the positive force that America can be on the world stage. It feels like that for the last 8 years, America has become the schoolroom bully that wants to dominate the classroom and doesn't care what anyone else thinks. Now there is a new classroom monitor and a real opportunity for change and development in the US and worldwide.

I think another element is that the worldwide depression has been triggered from the American sub-prime market and it has felt (from the outside) like the US government was prepared to let its own citizens firstly get into debt way over their heads and then gaily watch them slip down the financial plughole without even trying to do anything to help. Another strong memory of the last 8 years of the Bush administration for me is Hurricane Catrina and the appalling mess the US government made of helping its citizens. It was horrifying to watch this supposedly civilised, advanced country doing so little to help the acute distress of so many and the lack of support that was given to the local police and officials who were actually the ones trying to feed and evacuate people. It was a real contrast to the tsunami in Asia, where after 3 or 4 days, aid was reaching even the remotest region but with Catrina, America was refusing international aid, but still not reaching its own citizens after a week.

Obama will have a huge task ahead of him and an unbelievable weight of expectation. I wish him and his family the greatest of good luck in his (and their) new role.

Up the Duff!!!

I posted two days ago about trying to get pregnant, and this morning, I got a positive pregnancy test! I am absolutely shocked as I haven't had a period since I stopped breast feeding, so I've had no way to time my fertile period. The delight and amazement of this news lasted from this morning until about half way through the afternoon, when I started worrying, with the usual worries of a serial miscarrier. Everything is a little more complicated because tomorrow, we head off for a fabulous three week holiday in France so no way to get a scan before we go. France is also the home of incredible wine, amazing cheese and lots and lots of other wonderful things that you can't eat while pregnant. I will have to try and just relax and enjoy it all and if I miscarry, well, there's nothing that anyone can do anyway. I shall be travelling with my fingers firmly crossed.

Sheepish Grin

Errmm, hello (echo,echo). I haven't been here for so long, there are cobwebs on the keyboard! While my Little Miss has been getting easier and easier to handle, now she is ten months old (TEN MONTHS?? where did the time go?), I've taken on some work. I initially agreed to one project, but I've ended up with two, running concurrently, working from home, and I'm afraid my ass is being kicked with it all.

 

I'm really enjoying the work, and I had a 'lightbulb' moment last weekend that I am really beginning to feel like myself again - the whole pregnancy, feeding, new baby thing made me feel so unlike me, but now I feel I'm back and really enjoying my life again. I'm fitting in the work while Little Miss sleeps and at evenings and weekends, and while this is ok, I've decided I won't be doing two time-sensitive projects at the same time again. It simply pulls me in too many directions and I spend all of my child-free time working. I think this is just part of the bedding in and learning what I can realistically achieve, whilst still being a full time stay at home mum. Blogging is certainly one of the things that has dropped off the radar, and I don't like it that my creative projects are the thing to go.

 

Anyway, the other project that I have on the go, is trying for baby number two! This has been slightly stalled, as my periods still haven't returned after I finished breast feeding, six or seven weeks ago. I very much want to become pregnant, but at the moment, thankfully, there isn't the edge of desperation that there was before when we were trying and failing with baby number one. If I were younger, I think I'd be very relaxed about it all, but at 38, I can really hear time marching onwards, especially as we would ideally like 3!  Oops, got to go - Little Miss is calling.

 

Sleep Update

Sleep is still an issue for us but I think we are (slowly) making progress. I did sleep in the spare room, but I could hear my little girl crying upstairs several times during the night, so I didn't get quite the unbroken, blissful sleep I was hoping for. At the same time, we moved her into her cot in her room and she now sleeps quite happily in there, which is fantastic. Her sleep patterns really seem to vary - some nights she can still wake at 9, 10, 1, 3, 5 and 6 but once this week she slept from 10pm to 5.15am! That's sleeping through for us and I hardly knew myself the next day. She's not breast feeding at night any more, but she is taking a bottle or two during the night. We thought she would break with eating at night, but she just doesn't seem to able to go more than 4 or 5 hours without food. We're just going with it at this stage, although all the books seem to say that she shouldn't need to feed at night.

Unfortunately in the last few days it's all gone downhill again. She's not napping in her cot or pram, despite my usual walks and even in the car she will rarely sleep at nap time. The only way she will sleep during the day is to fall asleep nursing, and sleep on me. If I move her or try to put her down she wakes up instantly. I'm finding it really frustrating, because I can do so little around the house, and it looks like a complete tip and I'm knackered. Night sleep is also down the tubes at the moment (it's now 10pm and she has not slept since 4pm and she will not go to sleep, despite bath, book, bottle, boob, cuddles, teddies or anything else.).  She's teething badly (and biting) and is so close to crawling, that I'm hoping that once these issues resolve that she will sleep soundly.

Ahh, she's asleep, finally, in my husband's arms. Thank God for my wonderful husband, 'cos I was at the end of my tether and coming back again!

The Big Sleep Party

My gorgeous little girl is still not sleeping through the night at seven months. She wakes six to eight times each night, usually feeding herself back to sleep in a few minutes. She has a full feed from me between five and six am, but really, she doesn't need to feed during the rest of the night and it seems to be a habit of waking that she has got into. I have been happy to do the night feeds, and glad that they have been relatively easy, but I'm now exhausted from lack of sleep. So, Mr. Maybe and I have decided that it is time to night wean and we've picked this weekend, as its a bank holiday, so we'll have Monday too. I am going to go and sleep in the spare and enjoy sweet, unbroken, restful sleep for a whole eight hours or so. Mr Maybe is going to stay with our little lady and comfort her and (hopefully) get her back to sleep during the night without feeding. He's very good at it and I know she'll be in safe hands, so I am going to let them get on with it. I am practically dancing at the thought of eight hours sleep, uninterupted. I am counting down the hours in gleeful anticipation until tomorrow night!

Book and Blog

Irish infertility blogger Feebee has a new book out - TTC Trying to Conceive The Irish Couples Guide and a new blog site - Making Babies.

I've no idea how she is managing all of this and pregnant too, but she is doing fantastically and if her book is half as good as her blog then it will be a really good read. The book is very much needed as there is nothing published for the Irish market on infertility and there is an awful lot of misinformation out there. Well done Feebee, I can't wait to read the book!